Today we started puppy pre-school. I have to growl at the pup when she does things she’s not supposed to. I feel like a dork. I was walking down the street and growling at my dog while my neighbors stared at me….
I guess that’s what you do when you want to cultivate love. Right now she’s shivering in my lap because it’s flipping freezing outside when we had to go out for potty time.
It’s been a funny season… lots of gain. Lots and lots of loss. I get to the end of the days and I’m not sure that I’ve done anything correctly. I don’t even know that I’m doing anything actually. I’m not sure if I’ve helped Memphis Po or if I’ve just growled alot and now my throat hurts.
One of the funniest parts in all of this is that what I miss the most, is approval. I miss the approval of my boss, I wish my puppy could tell me that I’m helping her learn, I miss knowing that I’ve got anything in my life together. But I’ve fallen to pieces and I’m learning to depend on God to finally put me together. But that means no more “A” student. No more “put together young professional”. Just a big fat mess. A public mess. And what I’ve learned is that I’ve defined myself by the approval of others far more than by the approval of the One person who matters. He may never call me on the phone and tell me I’m doin’ just fine, but maybe when I get done with this adventure He’ll tell me “well done”. It may take a life-time…. but I think I’ll get to the approval I need.
P.S. Sorry for all the downer posts… I’m in a downer phase. I’ll snap out of it soon enough.
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Lacey, I just finished reading your blog. I LOVE IT. I must say that you are an exceptional writer and your blog is one of those that I will now look at and think “why can’t I be witty and funny, like Lacey.” So see, you don’t have to practice in the mirror.
Personally, I haven’t been blogging to my full potential – website above, but maybe you have inspired me. I am very blessed to you have you in my life and, as we always say, we need to hang out; but actually hang out. Miss you. Until then, please keep blogging, because YOU, just made my day.